Weighted Matters
by vertical-drop
Summary: Sonny experiences a personal crisis of confidence. Sonny/Tawni friendship. Some Sonny/Chad.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I guess you could say this story takes place in a world where season two does not exist. It's not AU exactly, but it doesn't strictly follow the SWAC timeline. It does deal with some grown-up issues so tread carefully. _

**Weighted Matters**

"You know what's great about Mondays?" asks Sonny.

"Nothing." Tawni glances up from her compact mirror, her pink lips pouting. "I hate Mondays."

The two teen stars are sitting in Condor Studio's commissary, half-heartedly picking at their lunches during their one-hour lunch break. The remaining three members of their show are spending their break in the Prop House, prepping a sketch for the upcoming show on Friday. Sonny and Tawni's _Check it Out Girls _sketch rehearsal went off without a hitch, giving the two girls a little time off to unwind before they have to regroup with everyone else.

It's a slow, quiet kind of day. Sonny and Tawni's movements are lethargic, their conversations unhurried. The _So Random_ actresses remain mostly silent as they enjoy a respite from the draining demands of producing sketch comedy. Only Sonny's attempt at small talk is enough to break the spell.

"The food," the young brunette explains as she twirls her spaghetti around her fork, un-twirls and twirls again. She doesn't actually take a bite. "The cafeteria always has good food on Mondays."

"How can you eat that?" Tawni asks as she sets her mirror down. In front of her is a plate of salad piled high with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, spinach, onions and a _Thousand Island_ dressing. It easily has twice the amount of calories as Sonny's spaghetti lunch, and is probably just as unhealthy. Plus it's her second helping. "Chad's beach party is two weeks away. Don't you wanna look awesome in your bathing suit?"

This catches Sonny's attention. "Chad's beach party?"

"Chad's 'Beach Party Bonanza'. He throws one every summer. Didn't you get the invitation?" Tawni reaches into her tiny purse, pulling out a laminated blue index card.

Sonny plucks the card out of Tawni's hand and turns it over. She frowns as she reads it. "Ok, this only says "Party" "Saturday" and "Be There". How is anyone supposed to know where to show up? Or what time?"

"Only the cool people get to find out." Tawni tosses her hair behind her shoulder, snatching the card back from Sonny.

"You have no idea, do you?"

"Ugh, no!" Tawni huffs in annoyance. "I'm a second tier."

"A what-tier?"

"A _second tier_. Chad always divides his party guests into three levels: the VIPs, the first tiers and the second tiers." Tawni ticks off the three groups with her fingers. "The VIPs get the time and location of the party. The first tiers just get the time, and the second tiers have to figure both out by themselves. Otherwise they don't go."

Sonny can't help but laugh. "That's so dumb."

"It's not _dumb_!" Tawni protests. "Tiered parties all the rage in Europe."

"Says who?"

"Says _Tween Weekly_." Tawni says with far more confidence than anybody should have while quoting from a trashy tabloid magazine. "And don't even think about asking me to help you. It's every woman for herself."

"What do VIP invitations look like anyway?"

"I've never actually gotten one," Tawni says with a shrug. "But I think they're supposed to be in a gold envelope."

"Gold…" Sonny hums in thought. She shifts around so she can reach into the pocket of her dress. Her fingers close around a shiny, gold envelope, pulling it out to show Tawni. "Like this one?"

Tawni lunges for the item in Sonny's hand. Sonny narrowly avoids a paper cut by quickly letting go. "No way! You're a VIP? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't know what it was," says Sonny. "Chad gave it to me this morning. I just thought it was another receipt for his dry cleaning bill. Spill grape juice on a designer suit _one time_…"

Tawni petulantly tosses her blue card on the table, her French tip fingernails tracing the edge of Sonny's envelope. "This is _so_ unfair! I've been in Hollywood longer than you and I've never gotten a VIP invitation to anything. Why can't Chad have a crush on _me_?"

"Chad doesn't have a crush on me," Sonny sputters in protest. All she receives from Tawni is an incredulous look. "He probably just wants to rub my face in his 'Awesome Pool Party Extravaganza'."

"'Beach Party _Bonanza'_. You have to open it and tell me what it says."

Sonny takes the invitation out of Tawni's hands. "I thought it was every woman for herself."

"That was before I knew _you_ were invited!"

Sonny simply raises her eyebrows.

"Come on, Sonny." Tawni's voice is getting higher, a sign that she's desperate. "We're friends right? You're always saying I'm the sister you've always wanted."

"I've never said that."

"Well, I'm sure you're thinking it. Please. _Please!_ I'll do anything!"

"Why do you even want to go to Chad's party?" Sonny asks. "You hate Chad."

"Yeah, but Chad throws the _best_ parties. Last year he flew twenty people to his own private island in the Caribbean, Anti-Goo-ah."

Sonny twists her mouth in confusion. "You mean _Antigua_? That's not a private island. It's one half of a country."

"Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe." Tawni gives a dismissive wave. "The point it is, _I_ should be a VIP. I'm pretty! Good things are supposed to happen to pretty people."

"Well," Sonny says standing up with her full plate of spaghetti in one hand and the coveted gold envelope in the other. "If you ask nicely, maybe I'll let you tag along."

She doesn't need to glimpse back to see the exasperated expression on Tawni's face, her eyes twitching at the humiliation of having to ask Sonny for help getting into an exclusive Hollywood Party. Sonny figures she'll probably cave before the end of the day. She doesn't often get the upper hand, but she intends to enjoy it while it lasts.

* * *

Sonny knows there are girls far more beautiful than she is. Girls with silky, wavy hair and tall, thin bodies that sway when they strut in their platform heels. Girls who turn heads when they enter a room and stay on everyone's minds once they leave. Girls like Tawni, who thrive under bright spotlights and flashing cameras. Girls like Portlyn, whose sultry pouts turn confident men into bumbling buffoons. Girls who radiate beauty and poise and grace in ways that Sonny herself does not.

Sonny doesn't normally like to dwell on her flaws, no matter how numerous and consuming they may feel. No one is without insecurities. She knows, for example, that Tawni's greatest vanity is her hands. She treats them with manicures and moisturizers to keep them as soft and ladylike as her money will allow. Portlyn tucks away her pale legs in knee high stockings and opaque tights; sometimes even in the dead heat of summer.

Sonny is insecure about her stomach.

She's not overly sensitive about it in general. Mostly because it's usually covered and well out of sight. But standing in front of the floor length mirror in a Nordstrom dressing room, clothed only in a two-piece swimsuit, the magnitude of her imperfections hit her full force. And it's not just her stomach, she realizes. Her thighs, her hips, her butt, all suddenly appear disproportionately large under the harsh lights. She holds her breath and twists around, analyzing her profile from the side.

It wouldn't take much, she thinks. Just losing a few pounds in the right places and some ab crunches and she'll be more than ready for Chad's beach party. She simply needs to be disciplined for a little while. Then, after the party, she can go back to stuffing herself full of carbs and fats and sugars to her heart's content.

"Sonny!" Tawni shakes the dressing room door handle. "If you don't come out in five seconds I'm coming in!"

Sonny jumps, dropping her hands from her stomach and scrambling for her clothes. She and Tawni have spent the better part of Wednesday afternoon bathing suit shopping. And while Tawni found a flattering outfit in less than 30 minutes, Sonny still can't seem to find one that highlights her best features while hiding her more obvious flaws. The last thing she wants is for Tawni to see her like this, tentative and uncomfortable in an outfit that does nothing for her body. She has a feeling she'd never live it down. "No! Don't—wait one second, I'm almost done!"

"Well hurry up!" Tawni whines. "I need to pick up Princess from the doggy spa!"

Sonny manages to tug her shirt down over her head just as Tawni swings through the door uninvited.

"Too late!" she says cheerfully. She spots the red bikini on the floor and picks it up. "Are you getting this?"

Sonny eyes the piece of clothing carefully. "I don't know. Maybe."

"It's cute, I guess." Tawni tries to appear disinterested, fighting against every fiber of her being to give Sonny anything that could be misconstrued as a compliment. But Sonny can see Tawni clenching the bikini in her hand, staring at it with that hungry look she gets when she sees something she just has to have.

"You like it?" Sonny asks. It _is_ a pretty nice suit. At least, it looks great on the hanger. Sonny's more concerned with how it will look once it's actually _on_ her.

"Not as cute as mine, obviously," Tawni amends. "But you might be the second cutest girl at Chad's party. After me, of course."

"Be nice to me. I'm getting you in, remember?" Sonny waves a finger teasingly in Tawni's direction.

"Ugh. Are you gonna hold that over my head forever?"

"Yup!"

"Whatever. Get dressed. I'm buying dinner tonight."

Sonny glances down at her clothes in confusion. "I am dressed."

"Oh, right." Tawni sniffs in the direction of Sonny's clothes. She drops the bathing suit. "I guess I just forgot how hideous your outfit was today. Come on, I'm hungry."

"Um." Sonny hesitates, her eyes flickering between the bikini and the full length mirror. Tawni glows underneath the lighting, her blonde hair illuminated, her pink dress highlighting her slim figure. She looks like a supermodel; Sonny feels more akin to a troll. "Actually, I had a pretty big lunch so I'm not really hungry. I think I'm just gonna head home."

If Tawni notices anything amiss, she doesn't give any indication. "Suit yourself."

The two girls part ways at the cash register. Sonny watches as Tawni bounces out the exit, her shopping bags swinging beside her. The red bikini feels heavy in Sonny's bag, both a promise and an omen.

* * *

Sonny bursts into her mom's bedroom like a firecracker Thursday morning, lifting the blinds to let the early dawn sun shine in.

"Morning, mom! Are you up? It's a beautiful day, isn't it? I just came from a light jog. Five miles, nothing too intense. Can I make you something? You want waffles? I'm gonna make you waffles!"

Sonny's sneakers tap against the hard-wood floor as she jogs in place. Her forehead is slick with sweat, her clothes cling to her body and her eyes are wild with adrenaline. She smiles manically at her poor, befuddled mother. Connie's only response to her hyper-activeness is to slowly blink the sleep out of her eyes. She turns her head to the clock on her bedside table, pulling the covers up tighter around her body.

"Honey," she cuts herself off with a yawn and tries again. "Sonny, it's five o'clock in the morning. What're you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep," is Sonny's rapid-fire response. "Just thought I'd get in a little exercise before work."

Connie snorts. "You? You won't even get off the couch to change the channel when the remote's missing."

"It's a new day. If you get ready in, like, 10 minutes we can jog around the block together!"

Connie struggles to sit up, reaching over to put on her glasses. She eyes her daughter carefully. "Everything ok, sweetie?"

"Yup! Great. Fine. Why?"

"You skipped dinner because you weren't feeling well yesterday. I'm surprised to see you so… energetic."

"I ate too much with Tawni last night, that's all." Sonny brushes her dark hair out of her eyes, giving her shaking hands something to do.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Connie asks, leaning back against the pillows.

"I'll probably grab something at the studio. I still need to shower." Sonny puts her hands on her hips, lifting her right leg up to her stomach, than her left, than her right. She stares down at her mother eagerly. "Are you coming, mom?"

Connie shakes her head with a small laugh. "I think I'm gonna sit this one out."

"If you say so." Sonny plants a kiss on her mom's cheek, backing out of the room as quickly as she bounced into it. "I'll run an extra lap around the block for you!"

She hears her mom order her to take it easy, but she's far enough away to pretend not to hear. Only 9 more days. She just has to push herself for 9 more days, and then she can go back to sleeping in and drenching her breakfast waffles in buttery maple syrup.

* * *

Sonny smells the chocolate chip muffin before it's placed on the table in front of her.

"Here."

The commissary is loud and busy, which is probably the only reason Chad is talking to her this morning. He wants a place to sit and someone to entertain him. Sonny and her empty table provide him with both.

"The lunch lady gave me an extra one," Chad says, pulling out the chair across from Sonny and flopping down in his seat.

Sonny knows he's lying, but spares him the indignity of calling him out. It's not every day the superstar does something nice simply for the sake of being nice. She grins and pulls the plate towards her. Then she remembers. "Thanks, but I already ate."

Her stomach chooses this minute to growl loudly. Sonny flushes as Chad raises an eyebrow at her. He leans backwards in his chair until he's balancing on two legs, so effortlessly assured in his every action and movement. Not for the first time Sonny finds herself envying his unwavering self-confidence.

"Yeah, I can tell." He doesn't take back the muffin though. Just keeps his gaze on her while she eyes the delicious pastry. It's tempting, but she's lasted this long on her crash diet. She's not about to break it now. If she's still hungry in an hour she'll probably snack on a granola bar.

"What do you want, Chad?"

"You never RSVP'd. That's generally the polite thing to do when someone invites you to their party."

"I didn't think I needed to." Sonny picks at the wrapper around the muffin but refrains from taking a bite. "I just assumed that _you_ assume everyone you invite will show up."

"True. It's not like it's a _Random_ party." Sonny makes sure Chad can see her roll her eyes. "But I like to get a head count, just so everyone knows exactly how popular I am."

"Well, as much as I hate feeding your ego, I will be there." Her hands are busy pulling out the chocolate chips from the muffin, lining them up on the plate to form a smiling face. At the last minute Sonny turns the smile upside down. She thinks that better matches her mood this morning.

"Are you bringing anyone?" Chad tries to sound nonchalant, picking at the label on his blazer. But Sonny can see his blue eyes peeking out under his eyelashes, gauging her response.

"Yup." Sonny lets him squirm for a little bit, watches as he tries to form that magical combination of words that will get her to explain what she means without him having to sound eager for her answer. She decides to put him out of his misery before he can speak up again. "I'm bringing Tawni."

He visibly relaxes, and then squares his shoulders when he catches himself showing his relief. "Oh. Cool."

"Speaking of Tawni, why'd you give her a blue invitation and me a gold one? I mean, you knew I was gonna tell her, right?"

Chad laughs. "Yeah, but it's fun to mess with her head."

Sonny can't help but beam in response, holding his gaze for a second too long. She glances down and clears her throat. "I better get back to rehearsals."

"Right, right. You guys _definitely_ need all the practice you can get."

Sonny resists the urge to push his chair the rest of the way backwards and him along with it. "How would you know? Are you finally watching our show?"

"You wish. I saw the ratings from last week's episode. Even a repeat of _Pauly and Pals _did better than you guys."

Sonny stands up. "Bye, Chad."

"See you at my party!" Chad calls, resting his hands at the back of his head.

Sonny storms out of the commissary, the demolished but otherwise uneaten muffin left on the table.

_A/N: Chapter two is already written. It just needs to be fine-tuned._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews. This is the last chapter of this two-part saga and things take an… interesting turn. Read on!_

Oddly enough Grady is the first to notice.

Though it's not so much notice as it is bring the issue to everyone else's attention while he remains oblivious to the Pandora's Box he's opened. It's Monday afternoon, the week of the party, and the five _So Random_ cast members are hanging around the Prop House as they prepare for a new week of sketches. Their brainstorming session goes over lunch, and rather than stop everything and trek down to the commissary they agree to order in pizza.

Nico's phone is out before they've even finished the discussion, his finger poised over caller ID number two. "The usual?" he asks. Everyone mumbles their agreement. "Sonny what about you? Pepperoni?"

Sonny shakes her head. "You know what, I'm still full from breakfast. I think I'll pass."

"You didn't eat breakfast," Grady reminds her.

Sonny freezes.

"Yeah I did. I ate it at home," is her excuse.

"Uh, no, you didn't," Grady argues. "I remember because the cafeteria was serving your favorite, cheese omelets with those yummy hash browns—"

"Man, those are _good_!" Nico interjects, rubbing his stomach.

"I know, right? Especially when the lunch lady gets them all crispy and brown—" Grady interrupts himself before he gets lost in his food daydream. He turns back to Sonny. "And you said you didn't eat breakfast because you had a big dinner last night."

Tawni looks up from filing her nails, her gaze landing on her dressing room roommate. Sonny avoids her eyes.

"Breakfast. Dinner. Who can remember, really? Hey, Nico, weren't you gonna order?"

"I can cover for you if you're short on cash, no problem, Sonny," says Nico. Grady echoes Nico's sentiment. Zora nods as well, even though she has yet to glance up from her script, her ears covered by large headphones blasting the Indie music she's gotten into lately. Tawni remains silent, though her head tilts to the side. It's as if she thinks she'll uncover whatever Sonny's hiding if she simply looks the right way.

"It's not about money, guys," Sonny snaps, irritated that they won't let the issue die. "I'm just not hungry, ok?"

"Fine, ok." Nico turns to Grady and mouths something that looks suspiciously like 'mood swings'. Sonny lets it go. No need to get them any more suspicious than they already are.

It isn't until they're packing up to leave for the day when Tawni corners Sonny in their dressing room. She's shrugging out of her cheerleader sketch uniform and into a pair of jeans that lovingly hug her every curve. Sonny is trying carefully not to glance into the mirror as she throws her stuff into her purse. She doesn't need to be reminded again why she's going through all this in the first place.

"Hey, so, I know I'm not usually the caring one in this relationship." Tawni says the word 'caring' as if it is a curse. In Tawni's mind it very well may be. "But are you ok?"

Sonny plasters on her brightest smile. She hopes it doesn't look as fake as it feels and briefly wonders when it became such a chore to be happy. It's usually her default setting. "I'm fine, Tawni."

"You're not getting sick, are you? Because I can't go to Chad's party unless you go."

"It's probably a 24-hour bug. I'll be fine. I won't let anything keep you from that party, I promise."

"Good," Tawni says with a firm nod. She's halfway out the door before she leaves Sonny with one last thing to think about. "Because it would suck if anything bad happened to you. You know, because of the party."

Sonny is still puzzling out the hidden meaning behind that one by the time she gets home.

* * *

It's been one week. One week of intense dieting and exercising, of skipping meals and running until she feels sick and nothing has changed.

The number on the scale is four pounds lighter than the week before, but she doesn't feel any different. She certainly doesn't look any different. Her stomach is still too flabby, her hips still too wide, her butt still not toned.

She feels tears of frustration well up in her eyes and she furiously bats them away. Sonny Monroe is a lot of things, but she is not a quitter. She'll simply have to try harder. Five more days. She can do this.

Just five more days. And then she'll stop.

* * *

Only she doesn't make it to five days, because everything kind of goes to hell on Thursday.

It starts early in the morning, when she has the misfortune of running into Chad as she's crossing the Condor Studio parking lot.

"Why are you wearing a sweater?" Chad asks as he meets up with Sonny. "It's, like, 80 degrees today."

"I was cold, I guess." Sonny doesn't tell him that the bulky sweater is meant to keep people from noticing that her entire body is shaking. She doesn't tell him that her head is pounding behind her eyes and that the ground keeps swaying underneath her feet. She doesn't have to tell him, because he notices anyway when she stumbles right in front of the studio doors.

"Whoa. Easy there." Chad grabs her before her face meets the concrete. "I know you're still falling for me, Sonny, but…." He trails off when he sees the glassy look in her eyes. His grip on her arm tightens. "Sonny?"

Sonny takes a second to get her bearings, thankful for Chad's stabilizing hand. She shakes it off all the same. "I'm fine. I just tripped."

"Ok, I really wanna make a joke about catching you when you fall," Chad says with his familiar note of arrogance. There's a hint of concern there too, and Chad's not one to worry about others unnecessarily. "But it's not gonna be as funny if you faint first."

"I'm not going to faint. I told you, I tripped."

"Right. I always trip over nothing, too. Oh wait, no I don't." Chad looks over her carefully. "You're really pale. You're not getting sick, are you? 'Cause my party's this Saturday—"

"Why is everyone so worried about your _stupid_ party!?" Sonny bursts out, jerking away from Chad. "I'll be there, ok!"

"Ok, geez! What is with you today? Usually you don't yell at me until _after_ I've done something wrong."

Sonny brushes past him without another word and sweeps into the studio. She lets the door close sharply behind her, partly out of anger, irrational though it may be, and partly to put some distance between herself and Chad. The way he was watching at her was making her uneasy.

Her interactions with the rest of the cast of _So Random_ are basically variations of that. At noon she yells at Zora for forgetting to cover up her vent when she leaves the room. Grady and Nico get chewed out for leaving their scripts in the Prop House while they're rehearsing on stage. And poor Tawni gets kicked out of their dressing room for talking on her phone for longer than five minutes. Never mind that she was talking to her mom.

Sonny's fuse is short, her temperament increasingly unstable. By the time afternoon rehearsals roll around, even Marshall is going out of his way to avoid setting her off.

She's walking off the So Random stage, ready to head home at the end of the day, when she misses a step. At least that's what her sudden case of vertigo makes it feel like. Black spots cloud her vision and all she can hear is the roaring of blood in her ears.

She's out before she even hits the ground.

* * *

Connie doesn't let Sonny out of her sight after they return home from the doctor's office, armed with various pamphlets on the dangers of calorie counting disorders. Both women are smart enough to know what that particular phrase is a euphemism for, though they are somewhat reluctant to say it out loud. It seems too early to be making any specific diagnoses, anyway.

She wraps her daughter up in as many blankets as she can find and pads her back with every throw pillow in the house. Offers her all the food in the house and promises to buy her whatever her heart and stomach desire. She alternates between fussing over Sonny and scolding her.

"I don't understand what would possess you to do this to yourself," Connie says. She sits beside Sonny on the couch, her arm behind the back of her head. "Not eating, even for a couple of days, is very dangerous, Sonny. Don't you know that?"

Sonny stares down at her hands. "I do."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I just… I didn't want you to worry."

"Oh, sweetie." Connie gathers Sonny in her arms. "That didn't really work out, did it?"

Sonny's lips turn up. "Yeah. I think fainting in front of everyone I work with was kinda a big giveaway."

"Maybe this was all too much too soon." Connie sighs, referring to Sonny's stint on _So Random_. "Maybe we should've waited until you were older before coming out here."

"No!" Sonny sits up. "No, I can handle it. I just got a little carried away. I promise I will never, _ever_ do anything like this ever again."

Connie twists her mouth in thought. She reaches up to brush Sonny's hair out of her face. "Tell you what. How about I take you to talk to someone once a week for a little while and then we can decide where to go from there."

"A shrink, mom?" Sonny recoils at the idea.

"There's nothing wrong with talking to someone." Connie insists. "Especially about things you don't think you can share with me."

"It's not that I can't talk to you—" Sonny starts.

"It's that you don't think I'll understand. And maybe you're right." Connie holds up a hand to stop whatever protest Sonny is about to make. "You're under a lot of pressure to look a certain way and maybe I underestimated how tough that can be."

Sonny's head is starting to feel clearer, and the gnawing ache in her stomach is slowly subsiding. That may be because her stomach—after weeks of running on mostly empty—is finally full again. She can feel herself giving in inch by inch as she unclenches from these stressful last few days. Finally she gives the faintest nod. Not necessarily in agreement; more like in resignation.

"We'll go together," Connie says. "How does that sound?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not even a little."

Sonny sighs, curling herself further into her mother's arms.

It doesn't solve everything. But it's a start.

* * *

Sonny misses _So Random's_ taping on Friday, so she doesn't get to see Tawni again until she shows up at her apartment on Saturday evening, an hour before Chad's party is supposed to begin. She is surprised to see the blonde at her door in designer sweats, her eyes covered with Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, her hair perfectly coiffed. She's that picture-perfect image of effortlessly flawless and Sonny feels the food she just ate turn sour in her stomach.

She forces herself to take a deep breath and slowly let it out. She's spent the last two weeks—longer if she's being completely honest—beating herself up over her weight and her figure. Over things she can't completely control. She's tired of being her own worst critic. It's a process, but over the last two days she's gotten better at hushing the self-doubt that creeps up every time she opens up a magazine or turns on the TV. Or stands next to her stunning costar.

"Hey, Tawni. Going to the party?"

Tawni strolls in without an invitation, a habit Sonny wonders if she'll ever break. "I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"A lot better, thanks." Sonny settles down on the couch. Tawni takes a seat one cushion over. "And I'm sorry. You know, for snapping at you all week."

"All anyone would talk about yesterday was you." Tawni continues, taking off her sunglasses. "I need you to get better so people can start talking about _me_ again."

Sonny can't help but laugh. "I missed you too. And I'll be back on Monday. Oh, here." Sonny reaches over and grabs a gold envelope off the coffee table. She hands it to Tawni. "My invitation. I bet Chad'll still let you in if you bring this."

"You're not gonna go?"

"It's probably better if I don't," Sonny says with a small shrug. The last thing she needs is to be exposed to the very thing that set her off in the first place. Besides, with Chad's 100 plus guest list, she can't imagine she'll be missed very much.

Tawni stares at the envelope for a second before dropping it back on the table in disgust. "Ugh. Who wants to go to Chad's lame party and watch a bunch of gorgeous models walk around in little bikinis, anyway?" When Sonny raises her eyebrows, Tawni scoffs. "Don't let the hair fool you, Sonny. I can be really smart when I wanna be."

"Last week you told me 6 times 8 equals 68."

"When am I ever going to use math? This is important _life_ stuff," she insists. "What I'm saying is that I get it. _All of it_."

Sonny's not so sure. "What exactly do you get?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Tawni rolls her eyes. "Look, you may find this hard to believe, but I'm not always this confident, perfect, beautiful, amazingly talented superstar. Sometimes I feel..." She makes a face, "not-pretty, too."

"What? That's ridiculous, Tawni! What could possibly make _you_ feel not-pretty?"

"Um, how about a new cast member from Wisconsin who everyone says is _so funny and so cute_." Tawni says it with a bite, but the twinkle in her eyes tells a different story. "That was always my thing! Why do you think I didn't want you in the first place? I didn't want you stealing my show."

"Don't you mean _our_ show?"

"_Whatever_," Tawni says. "The point is, and this is really hard for me to say so don't ask me to repeat it, the point is I was kinda jealous. Sometimes I still am."

Sonny takes a second to let this new information sink in. She wonders why it never occurred to her that Tawni may just be going through the same thing. That the supposedly perfect actress also experiences the same doubts as she does. Maybe because Tawni hides her flaws so well, but if even she has moments of weaknesses... well it's eye-opening, to say the least. Sonny doesn't know how else to respond but with one word, "Wow."

"Yup." Tawni agrees. "But if you tell anyone, I'll deny it."

Sonny smiles. "So… you sure you don't wanna go to Chad's party?"

"Nah," Tawni says. She reaches for her bag and pulls out a DVD. The first season of Hex and the City. They share a grin. "I'd rather watch TV with the _second_ prettiest girl in Hollywood."

It isn't until they're halfway through the first episode that Sonny speaks up again.

"Hey, Tawni?"

"Uh-huh?" Tawni responds.

"Thanks."

* * *

By Monday morning pretty much everyone has some idea of what happened to Sonny the week before. Most of it is wildly inaccurate, specifically the rumor that her body was briefly taken over by aliens. That particular story gets Zora far more excited than it should. The few people who correctly guess the general outline of events exaggerate the details immensely. By lunchtime Sonny has heard that she was in a coma all weekend, that she's being sent off to some rehab center in New Mexico and that _Tween Weekly TV_ offered her $1 million to star in a TV movie about her life.

Unsurprisingly, the cast of _So Random _remains quiet about the whole subject, neither confirming nor denying any rumors. Surprisingly, the cast of _Mackenzie Falls_ is fairly quiet as well. Sonny wonders who she should thank for that small miracle.

Shortly after 2 pm—while Tawni and Zora are in rehearsals and Nico and Grady are getting frozen yogurt in the commissary—Chad appears at her dressing room door. He's holding a white box with a red ribbon wrapped around it and he moves tentatively, a contrast from his usual overconfident swagger. It's a little jarring for Sonny to witness.

"Hey," he says. He takes a small step into the room "I heard you got… sick."

"It's ok, Chad." Sonny says from her place at her vanity table. She spins halfway around to face him. "You don't have to tip-toe around me."

"Well, I don't want you to bite my head off," he half-jokes. "Though I guess now I understand why you did. I get cranky when I don't eat too."

Sonny rolls her eyes. "Great, now you know. Who told you?"

"Beavis and Butthead." It takes Sonny a second to realize he's referring to Nico and Grady. Of course. "I kinda tricked them into talking, though. But you—I mean it's not—"

"I'm fine. Really." Chad's relieved smile makes Sonny's heart flutter rapidly in her chest. She changes the subject before she can say something embarrassing. "So, how was your party?"

"Eh, it was all right. Might've been better if you were there. Maybe." He tries to look casual and fails miserably. Sonny can't help but find this Chad infinitely more charming than suave, cocky Chad. "I brought you something."

He hands Sonny his gift. It's too heavy to be another autographed picture, but not heavy enough for her to discern exactly what's in it. She opens her mouth to ask but he's already heading back out the door.

"Anyway, I can't stay. I have a big, important, super-secret Mac Falls scene to shoot today." His smug smirk fades into a gentler grin. "But… I'm glad you're ok."

Sonny nods. "Me too. Thanks."

Once Chad leaves, Sonny unties the ribbon and opens the box. Inside sits a large slice of red velvet cake covered in thick white frosting. Etched in cursive, in delicate red icing, is only one word:

_Beautiful._

_A/N: So, being a teenage girl can kind of suck sometimes. Everyone always seems cooler than you, funnier than you, smarter, prettier, whatever. But when you get older, you realize that everyone else was thinking you were cooler, smarter, funnier or prettier than them. Life is funny that way._

_So the ending was interesting to me for two reasons. 1. Because I didn't want to make light of a pretty serious situation. And 2. Because I didn't want to give the impression that all was perfect in the end. Nothing is ever really that simple after all. Everything's a work in progress. But Sonny's got friends and family and Chad, sort of, so I think she'll be ok._

_I have another story ready to come out, much more light-hearted than this one. So look for that in a couple of days. _


End file.
